Oh and watch out for the beggers!

The view out my window as we come into L.A

Despite the seven different farewell celebrations, I’m not sure it actually hit me until I unpacked my little Qantas goodie bag, complete with stylish grey eye mask, bed socks, lanyard and earphones.

What the fuck was I about to do?

I looked around the cabin, smiling hugely at anyone who would make eye contact- desperate for someone else to understand my growing excitement and nervousness. Sadly, everyone seemed to be totally bored with the whole process and far more interested in getting some shut eye.
As I read through the menu I realised to my horror I would only be getting two meals the entire 15 hour trip…a lunch in about and hour and a dinner three hours before landing. As a constant snacker, a wave of panic rushed over me until I remembered the giant bag of MnMs and Werthers Originals I had safely tucked in my carry on luggage.
Despite being, (of course) totally over prepared with activities to keep me occupied for the remainder of the flight, I can honestly say I did not pick up a book or even pop in my Ipod. Each seat had their own tv screen and remote, as well as what seemed like endless channels to choose from. My flight could have been three or four times as long and I still wouldn’t have made a dent on the programming. Over the 15 hours I watched the following-
• Step Brothers
• Wanted
• A third of Mama Mia before I turned it off in disgust.
• Brideshead Revisited
• Sex and the City Movie
• Family Guy
• Summer Heights High
• Kath and Kim
• Christina Aguilera in her Back to Basics tour
• A documentary on love and adultery in the online world of Second Life.
• A travel program on L.A
• And the flight path simulation about a hundred times, getting a kick out of seeing the little animated plane move slowwwwly further away from AUS and closer to L.A

The first meal came and I woofed the creamy chicken pesto dish with a side of greek salad and my two cokes down before remembering it was another 10 hours or so before I would get to eat again.
As I wriggled around trying in vain to get comfortable enough to sleep, I cursed my overexcited self all those months ago who, when asked by the Qantas lady which seat Id prefer I screamed WINDOWWWWWW!
Im not sure what was more painful, trying to cozy up against a ice cold window or keeping a full bladder so that I didn’t disturb my two unfriendly seat buddies.

As the sun rose up over the world and my plane came to its descent, a new wave of nervousness hit as I remembered my first task in the US was to tackle LAX, alone..until Stefs plane landed 3 hours after mine.
Smiling my way through customs and immigration, I asked the loud LAX helper in the funny hat which way Maccas was. Oops I meant McDonalds.
After pointing me in the right direction and warning me about the beggars outside, she looked at me funny. Was I meant to tip her for that?
Despite hearing all the stories, nothing prepared me for the Americans. Loud, pushy and overweight, they weren’t very helpful when it came to sorting out quarters and pennies. I also seemed to be the only blonde in about an 8mile radius, which I wasn’t prepared for either.
I was told by an American boy in the McDonalds line that I looked exotic and after telling him where I was from he nodded to himself and said Yeah see exotic!
Not yet brave enough to tackle some of the US Maccas menu options (such as the pictured Cinnamon melts that looked like someone had jizzed all over your breakfast) I opted for a hashbrown and small coke. The small, is the same as a large in the AUS. This was only my first taste of the USAs love of super sizing their food.

Cinnamon Melts from McDonalds. Yummo.

A quick internet café stop later and it was time to go collect Stef. David, the guy we are staying with in L.A rocked up a bit before Stef arrived and he told me his grand plans for our stay in the States.
Apparently he didn’t feel we would get the true Hollywood experience JUST by staying with him in Encino, so he had booked us in for two nights at the famous Roosevelt Hotel. All. Expenses. Paid.
I didn’t have time to pick my jaw up off the ground because I spotted my favourite mop walking through the doors and ran to tackle her with my excitement.
3 hours alone in LAX had been a bit of an anti climax for the start of my adventure.

Stef and I loaded our ginormous backpacks into Davids Mercedes and overwhelmed the poor man with questions and photos. He seemed amused that we found the slightest thing fascinating…fire hydrants, LAPD cars, highway signs…I felt kind of bad. Here he was, trying to impress these two Aussie chicks by putting them up in an old school Hollywood hotel and we were just as excited for the blue mailboxes.

Stef, excited about the cop cars.

First L.A observation, L.A drivers are fucking crazy. Indicators apparently aren’t necessary, and you drive full ball right up the other cars asses until you do a swift lane change. I was fearing for my life and nearly kissed the ground once we got to Davids.

Pulling up to Davids in Encino.

His house was amazzzzing. Art hanging from each wall, brand spanking new stainless steel kitchen, pool, steam room and best of all…A BED.

Davids kitchen.

On the suggestion of David, we had a quick 2 hour nap so that we had enough energy for his plans later on.
2 hours later and I was preying for 2 more hours. Anxious to keep the jet lag at bay, I pulled out a crumpled dress, splashed on some make up and packed an overnight bag for the hotel.
Driving down Hollywood Blvd. was something I had only imagined of doing. The palm trees, lights, landmarks were all straight out of the movies. I jumped in excitement at the movie star impersonators littering the street outside Grauman's Chinese Theatre, fumbling to get out my camera until David informed us most of them were junkies or homeless people who make money by getting tourists to take their picture with them.
Crap. Everything looks better in the movies.

The Roosevelt.

The Roosevelt (http://www.hollywoodroosevelt.com) was amazing. Stef and I couldn’t believe this guy, who we had only met once or twice briefly when he was visiting a friend in Sydney, was paying for us to stay at such a Hollywood icon. Marilyn Monroe used to have a regular suite overlooking the pool, and LC from The Hills swims at the pool every Sunday.

David & I by the Roosevelt pool.

We dumped our bags in the room and headed out to our first stop for the night, Cabo Cantina for monster nachos and sangria.
Our next stop had a bucking bull for patrons to try their luck with, as well as mountains and mountains of fake snow and Christmas decorations. David wanted us to get a feel for the tacky side of L.A before we hit up the swanky places later on.

Sangria at Cabo.

Stef amazedslashconfused with the American dollars.

Stop number three was prestigious Sky Bar (http://www.mondrianhotel.com/mondrian_hotel_skybar.asp) where it was quite obvious this had been the inspiration behind Sydneys, The Ivy. The pool, the cabanas and even the pot plants on the wall all looked very familiar. What wasn’t familiar however, was the sprawling view of L.A at night. Despite the layer of smog, it was definitely breathtaking.
Two champagnes later and we were off again to some secret bar underneath a hotel where one of Davids friends made us a cocktail that was frothy, creamy and potent all at the same time.

Drunken and loving it.

By the time we got to the main event (Koi)- Stef and I were hammered. We collapsed down on the cream lounges and got straight into the $500 bottle of Sake while I celebrity stalked to see if any of my Who magazine favourites were around. David ordered a selection from the menu including the shrimp tempura (shrimp=prawns) which just melted in your mouth.
Third and final bar of the night was the Roosevelts own bar, Teddys, where we danced up a storm with some L.A male models until evil jet lag finally took over.

Sunset Blvd at....sunset?

Day two was a struggle. David had a triathlon to train for so we would be on our own for the next 48 hours. After finally dragging our amazingly hangover and jetlagged bodies out of the most comfortable sheets ever, we decided to do some of our own exploring of Hollywood Blvd.

Me touching Marilyn Monroe and about 1000000 peoples dirty feet.

Flashing lights flashing lights!

Some of our observations included-
• One meal is enough and then some, for the both of us.
• Japanese and sushi especially is amazing everywhere you try it in L.A
• Star Tours will shove a pamphlet in your hands even if you say no thanks.
• Beggers can get cocky and like to approach you when you are in the middle of lunch, sitting down with no where to go.
• American Apparel is more expensive over here, go figure.
• Tipping is vital but easily forgotten.
• Burgers are everywhere but try finding a salad, fruit or anything healthy and you are at a lost.
• Redbull cans come in super size.
• Condoms and razors are kept in glass cages in supermarkets.
• If a cab has its light on, it means its taken, which is the opposite of Sydney cabs and thus very very confusing.
• If you want to sit down at a table in a club, you have to BUY it. For example you buy a $300 bottle of vodka and get the table, your own bar tender, security guard and free chasers all night. We realised David must have been buying tables all night last night and we had no idea. Fuck.
We decide to chill out for the night and decide to see Twilight because its already out over here and that’s a novelty for us haha.

Arclight tickets to Twilight!

After trecking up and down Sunset Blvd, we finally find the Arclight and catch the 7.25pm session. We get a small popcorn and are offered butter….what? You mean EXTRA butter? No thanks!
A cab ride home, some American tv and raid of the bar fridge later and we are exhausted.

Relaxing in our hotel room with a bit of HBO.

Day three in L.A got off to a slower start as jet lag finally consumed our bodies, rendering us catatonic until 12pm. We met David down by the hotel pool before checking out and heading to L.As version of Oxford st. Lots of attractive men with little dogs, however a sad lack of The L Word cast members which I was disappointed about.

Japanese lunch on the gay street of L.A

After some more exploring of places such as celebrity favourite, Roberston Blvd and main shopping centre, The Beverly Centre, we hit up Barneys Beans for some beer and football. The place looked like a cross between a sports bar, Hogsbreath and Hard Rock Cafe and there were people and tv screens EVERYWHERE.

Barneys Beans for grid iron...although apparently no one calls it that anymore.

It was so loud and overwhelming I nearly cried but it was defiantly an American experience.
By now it was dark, so we headed back to David’s and all decided to have another quiet night. David was exhausted from his triathlon and we were buggered from all our exploring.
Besides, we had a plane to catch tomorrow.